It was a nice day for once...

The sun was all shining and the snow was melting...
Give it a few days and we'll be covered in snow again. *smirks*
I should be sleeping at this moment.
Got another long day of work ahead of me.

While my dad's heart condition isn't nearly as bad as they made it sound... he's having another slight problem.
On his leg he's getting a big black and blue bruise. They told him to keep ice on it and to keep watch.

Getting in more hours... although I'm losing sleep.
Getting upset for no reason at all.
I'd like to say its stress... but it's not.
Some might say "Get the fuck over it" and that's not it either.

It's the fact I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
I find random things of the past that reminded me of things.
Things way before that whole break up.
Then it's like... there's nothing left but the past and to go on. Yet right now I'm stuck.
School... job... place to live... something.

It's odd.
I think only two people that are my friends have actually seen me break down and cry. I do that every now and then. Almost with no real reason.
Perhaps it's because I'm a fool and I miss Jidane.. even though she hates me. I missed Squall for a long time.. and we're now talking again like old friends. Perhaps I'm even a bigger fool for saying things I never meant to say out of anger over the stupidest things to Return. You know... it has been months now. Why am I still upset over it? I'd like to just up and say I'm over it and not worry about it anymore but I don't know why I keep beating myself up over it. It's no longer useful.
I find it odd... I don't hate anyone. I might say I do. But that anger never lasts and in the end, it's me who lost.

I found things though from years back. Heh... little reminders of relationships that never lasted. A letter from Kalea... Candice. I admit it was great reading over it... but it was painful at the same time because it said 'Squall and L-chan forever.'
For whatever reason I keep the envelope that Jidane sent me. It was a CD she had burned. Even have a few pictures of hers.
I was reminded of an old website that never really got anywhere... Four Kitty Corner or something like that. Elfwood and all those other old things... TacoRaven.
Even found one of Thitha's old letters she sent while she still lived in Denver. Long long time ago.
Found Sam's magic cards he gave me. They're ones I'm not getting rid of... just because. Heh, he even left me a few Beast Wars toys and his pokemon cards. Makes me wonder what he's doing now and where he's at. Was hoping to see him at the Powwow last year but I saw no sign of him anywhere.

Lots of sad little memories... but life goes on.

I think I'm ready to go back to Lilymud.. but I'm not quite sure yet. While I love the LionKing and such.. I don't do enough art work relating to it.

Random. Work.
Closers aren't doing their jobs. Apparently you're not supposed to get a fifty cent raise. If you do... the manager(s) must really like you. That makes me feel kinda... dunno. Good but in the same way not so good.

So... days go on and I still hold my head up. Seems like only during the night I cry. I don't want to cry at all. It just happens. Perhaps one of these days I can convince myself not to cry anymore. I'm happy. I actualy am yet at the same time I feel sadness for the way various things have turned out. I'm not who I want to be, I'm not where I'd like to be, I'm not doing what I love. Yet if I wanna ever achieve any of this, I've gotta get my act in gear..

Something stupid. The supermarkert opened a new store. Where's this new store? .... About a block away from where it originally was. What's up with that? The parking lot sucks... and it's closer to the highschool than it already was. Sometimes I swear the people in Bismarck don't think.
... same could be said about the people who work at BK.
Larry:*South Store Manager* I've got your Western Whopper Cheese. (We ran out... we always seem to run out of food)
Cheryl: *to me*... You sure he's a manager? Why doesn't he just call it chedder cheese??