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Sep. 17th, 2004
(no subject)
Sep. 17th, 2004 11:34 pmI wanna type out a buncha crap that's on my mind but I dunno where to start and I don't want it to turn into a whole pity me issue.
Just.. things at home and family and.. me saying I don't care when later on it hits me hard and I sit there crying alone trying to solve things out myself.
Blah.. it's not often I cry anymore. *eyebrow twitches* That was the oddest feeling I've ever had... having your eyebrow twitch irl
Sure then something happens, perks me up outta the funk and then I recall family issues again and get all depressed again.
I don't wanna talk to any of the family members either cause then I'll be accused of pointing fingers or something...
Gramma has laser surgery on her eyes..
Bro is being stubborn about letting mom know what's going on..
Other Bro is determed on quitting the job he's got, etc etc etc...
Sometimes I just wanna up and leave like everyone else is doing but then I don't wanna.
Ohhhh well, such is life I suppose.
*edit*
Oh yeah and then my dad seems to have a problem lately with anger and junk
Just overhead him yelling.
*slams fist on desk*
Ya end up thinking about something and think about it too much to the point where ya wish things didn't happen the way they did, and now that there's nothing you can do about it, you get upset.
mmm... angst.
Like right now, telling myself to shut the fuck up and go on with life. Earlier I had an anxiety attack at work from the flood of people that never ended, and I'd screw up on an order, and get pissed off at myself for it.
Finally told 'em I had to leave and go scream.. they let me, I was surprised. In the end though I ended up digging fingernails into my arm, being horribly upset with myself for feeling the way I did, tried to calm down, couldn't, got more upset with myself.
I was fine and shit until I got home tonight.
That'd be fucking stupid if I'm that lonely to the point of depression. Separation anxiety, omgwtf. That's most likely not what it is but what the fuck ever.
*stares at the names on MSN and AIM buddy lists*
Huh.. fun.. so right now I'm more or less .. upset with family issues.. mmm.. fun.
Feel like a fucking pansy for crying in the first place.
Cried over every little thing before, can't be doing that now.
Just.. things at home and family and.. me saying I don't care when later on it hits me hard and I sit there crying alone trying to solve things out myself.
Blah.. it's not often I cry anymore. *eyebrow twitches* That was the oddest feeling I've ever had... having your eyebrow twitch irl
Sure then something happens, perks me up outta the funk and then I recall family issues again and get all depressed again.
I don't wanna talk to any of the family members either cause then I'll be accused of pointing fingers or something...
Gramma has laser surgery on her eyes..
Bro is being stubborn about letting mom know what's going on..
Other Bro is determed on quitting the job he's got, etc etc etc...
Sometimes I just wanna up and leave like everyone else is doing but then I don't wanna.
Ohhhh well, such is life I suppose.
*edit*
Oh yeah and then my dad seems to have a problem lately with anger and junk
Just overhead him yelling.
*slams fist on desk*
Ya end up thinking about something and think about it too much to the point where ya wish things didn't happen the way they did, and now that there's nothing you can do about it, you get upset.
mmm... angst.
Like right now, telling myself to shut the fuck up and go on with life. Earlier I had an anxiety attack at work from the flood of people that never ended, and I'd screw up on an order, and get pissed off at myself for it.
Finally told 'em I had to leave and go scream.. they let me, I was surprised. In the end though I ended up digging fingernails into my arm, being horribly upset with myself for feeling the way I did, tried to calm down, couldn't, got more upset with myself.
I was fine and shit until I got home tonight.
That'd be fucking stupid if I'm that lonely to the point of depression. Separation anxiety, omgwtf. That's most likely not what it is but what the fuck ever.
*stares at the names on MSN and AIM buddy lists*
Huh.. fun.. so right now I'm more or less .. upset with family issues.. mmm.. fun.
Feel like a fucking pansy for crying in the first place.
Cried over every little thing before, can't be doing that now.
