Phone

Hrm... so I guess I get to get a new phone on May Day.. the 1st of the month.. so uhm..
Am with the Verizon.. so looking at the phones... I dunno which one to get.

The little RAZRs look rather cute...
Or do I want one of those Chocolate phones?

... Some of you high-tech phone junkies *shot* are gonna have to help me on this one... murr... knowing me I'll just pick one because it looks cute.

M:tG

Yes.. I'm trying to build me a deck...
Not just any deck... a five color deck.
Using only the cards from the core set...
I'm -trying- to keep it only at sixty cards.. but at only sixty cards there's just not much I can do with it... now while I wanna try to foil Hollis's latest blue deck, in which he counters everything the comes out.. that would mean I'd need a lot of one mana cost creatures. I could do it, but at the same time, just one Wrath of God or Damnation clears my entire board.
Though at the same time I want it to be fun and not just directed at his deck. Maybe I will just make an all color weenie deck... hrm.. though it'd be of course another agro-deck. Cause apparently that's all I ever make lol... so I was looking at direct damage to the player and yet bounce junk back but then that's getting too complicated for one little deck.
... Then again I have enough cards to make a buncha tiny weenie decks.

Hmm....

(no subject)

Hah hah...
I dunno... for some reason I just feel like crap and feel even more like crap when I need company.
That and I'm afraid of bugging people because I don't wanna feel alone but I know other people are doing their own thing.

I was asked what am I gonna do in the next few years.. where do I see myself. I replied with.. "I don't look that far ahead anymore. I tried once, setting a goal for myself and was disappointed in the result when it did happen.. and because I don't wish to be disappointed again I don't look ahead to the future anymore, I just take days as they come by."

It's a stupid reason I know, one incident should not determine everything.. or however the phrase goes.

Hah! I guess I fell and can't get back up in the road of life, and would like a helping hand, but at the same time I'm too stubborn to ask for it, and swat that hand away when it's offered. Dunno, since I heard someone doesn't like me based on the few times we did meet I've been outta whack. More so then normal.. and allI do is just keep assuming stupid shit.

Sometimes I feel I really should just go away, and I really can't explain why? I don't know if it's because I hate who I am or what, but.. blah. If it's because I hate who I am, maybe that explains a lotta shit? That and I really need to learn when to let things go and not let stupid shit bother me and.. I need to change to become a better and different person... I almost wish I was someone else.

This isn't a pity me post either. I would seriously like it not to turn into that? But it's just these really stupid thoughts just go through my head at times and I end up thinking things over just to myself and don't bother talking to other people about it.
I get offended easily... well not in the sense where you tell me something I could change, but in the sense if you use a lotta "You're a stupid fucking moron" words and overly offending things, that's when I break down in tears.
I don't know why I'm such a wuss. Lawlz. I never did take things very well when I was yelled at. I have no backbone?
So yeah, if a person yells at me, I just crumble. I don't defend myself. I take what they say and figure they honestly mean it.

I don't ever mean to do make someone feel like shit.. but I did once and I can't get over it. They forgave me but I'm still upset and angry with myself and I look for approval for them, to know I made things better?.. I don't know.

So thus I often wonder if I should just really go away.

Then I wonder what if I actually did go away.. like... forever. I sit and ponder on the impact it would have on the lives of other people. If I were to leave this Earth, I'm sure there are those like my family who would be devestated. That's why I'm always too scared to finally off myself. Though I wonder how my friends would feel.. like am I really that important to any of them? Especially over the internet?

I just seriously have strange thoughts going in and out of my head lately.. moreso than normal. Though I guess I typed most of them out.. most, not all.. because I would rather talk person to person about other things. They're things that aren't really upsetting me, it's just things I wonder about.. and I don't really care the answers to them either. Just ideas, and thoughts, get them out of one's head.. you know like you wanna just.. talk. Just to be heard.