(no subject)
Dec. 17th, 2002 05:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dynamo_hunter_aheh...
and again.. I'm alone.
Thinking things by myself.
.... do you hate me?
Do you hate me as much as I hate myself..?
it's like... I'm fine. I'm fine when with people..
I'm co-dependant..dependent... one of the two spellings...
heh...
I mean... the way I feel right now. I deserve it. The way people act towards me, saying it's nothing but angst..
I deserve all that too.
I know a few care...
but it's like... those few who look down upon me...
I wanna say to these people... so many things yet I know I can't...
It's not my right.. and their decisions and choices are to be respected.
there's nothing I can do to change how things have happened.
Sometimes I wonder...
is it stupid for me to still feel this way..?
I really do...
Should I hate these people..? or what?
I don't know how to feel...
damn... ya know... I'm sure they don't really care how I feel right now. They maybe do. But right now I feel so damn negative... and this negativity is what... made me drive them away.
Why did I have to be this way? I mean... why? Why did I have to turn out the way I did?... it's kinda like... I'm asking... why did I have to be so paranoid about things... so jealous... so... everything...
so angry...
Right now it's like...
things that people say... in a hurtful manner... stick in my head...
Like... the selfish part...
I can't help but look at it and say... they're right.
I hate myself...
I hate the things I do
People say "So change"
.... is it really as easy as they say it is...? I mean... just like that? Bam, change?...
I wanna curl into a corner and cry... but what is that going to solve? My damn problems aren't going to go away. I wanna... go to sleep and never wake up... but what is that going to solve...? Nothing.
I just... need time...
but the more time I have alone.. the worse things get.
I don't understand things and get upset..
and I wanna talk over things but it usually ends up nasty. me yelling, hating, everything wrong...
I want someone to understand but at the same time... I don't want to hurt them...
... and I feel as though... I'm going to continue to push people away.
and again.. I'm alone.
Thinking things by myself.
.... do you hate me?
Do you hate me as much as I hate myself..?
it's like... I'm fine. I'm fine when with people..
I'm co-dependant..dependent... one of the two spellings...
heh...
I mean... the way I feel right now. I deserve it. The way people act towards me, saying it's nothing but angst..
I deserve all that too.
I know a few care...
but it's like... those few who look down upon me...
I wanna say to these people... so many things yet I know I can't...
It's not my right.. and their decisions and choices are to be respected.
there's nothing I can do to change how things have happened.
Sometimes I wonder...
is it stupid for me to still feel this way..?
I really do...
Should I hate these people..? or what?
I don't know how to feel...
damn... ya know... I'm sure they don't really care how I feel right now. They maybe do. But right now I feel so damn negative... and this negativity is what... made me drive them away.
Why did I have to be this way? I mean... why? Why did I have to turn out the way I did?... it's kinda like... I'm asking... why did I have to be so paranoid about things... so jealous... so... everything...
so angry...
Right now it's like...
things that people say... in a hurtful manner... stick in my head...
Like... the selfish part...
I can't help but look at it and say... they're right.
I hate myself...
I hate the things I do
People say "So change"
.... is it really as easy as they say it is...? I mean... just like that? Bam, change?...
I wanna curl into a corner and cry... but what is that going to solve? My damn problems aren't going to go away. I wanna... go to sleep and never wake up... but what is that going to solve...? Nothing.
I just... need time...
but the more time I have alone.. the worse things get.
I don't understand things and get upset..
and I wanna talk over things but it usually ends up nasty. me yelling, hating, everything wrong...
I want someone to understand but at the same time... I don't want to hurt them...
... and I feel as though... I'm going to continue to push people away.
