Dreams

[dynamo_hunter_a]

Dreams can be weird things. Getting in a car crash would be one of those things. Return and Inverse's little sister Leah were in the dream as well for whatever reason. Something about a trailer that was too big to be one. Police were in there too. It was an odd dream.
When I woke up this morning... a few minutes ago I had to ask myself, if it was really a dream. Judging from how hard my eyes hurt, it wasn't.
Had a long talk with my sister and I dunno... it kind of hurt when some words were 'said' to me. It was like... I was being pushed to say something. Kinda sucks though.
I'm not getting that second chance I had always hoped for. There is no feeling anymore. Well... at least there is no feeling in return anymore. I'd like to be able so say... it hurts to much to simply talk to you as a friend, I care about you too much. I'd like to be able to say that to her... and well... she'll read this sooner or later. Is it really sad that... I'd rather leave and heal? Or is that selfish on my part... if I don't stay... I was never a real friend to begin with. But... doesn't she understand that... it hurts that much to talk to her as a simple friend..? What sucks about all this is... it took me that much time to realize things... and it took her that much time to be able to say it really was over between us.
If I had thought it was over the day I had said it would... I wouldn't be in this current position.
I'm gonna guess she wants me to say I hate her. But I can't. I can't hate her, I love her.
.. and so I'm torn.
Do I do what's best for -her- or do I do what's best for -me- and end up looking like the bad guy for 'leaving'..
When I said I was unsure of my decision... I really meant what I had said. Letting someone decide for me and not making that mistake again huh...
Every minute passes... I say, I can do this.
Every hour passes... I say, I can do this.
Every day passes... I say, I can do this.
The days will turn into months.... months into years.... the hurt will eventually go away.
I just hate this...
Let it go.
Is it really that easy to just... let it go and be simple friends?
I am never going to be given another chance by her.
So why do I still hope?
Am I really that stupid?
When I said 'I don't know yet'... I meant it...
Why was that so hard to understand?